The truth
by Nagaresaki
Summary: This is a yoai fanfic starring seifer x Irvine. Enjoy!


Disclaimer: The characters in this fic are not mine, they belong to Squaresoft. This story, however, is an example of my er... well...interesting imagination and is legally mine. If anyone wishes to use this fic for purposes other than reading and enjoyment e-mail to notify me. I hope no one would think about using this story for their own good. Fell free too send any comments, suggestions or advice on this story. Don't tarry any longer with this stupid and annoying but necessary disclaimer, read on and enjoy!  
  
Warning! This is a lemon yoai fanfiction. My paring is Seifer x Irvine. If the idea of homosexuality disgusts you and dies NOT appeal to you, please for Heaven's sake, don't read it. You must also be over 13 to read it, but you'll probably do it anyways. I'll rate it R. So beware!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Irvine was feeling sullen and very down. After Selphie's refusal to marry him and her strict command that he was not to talk to her or let himself come within one metre of her, he felt different about girls. He no longer waved happily to the Garden girls in `short' shorts. He no longer flirted around them or offered to buy them a drink. He would hide his face beneath his hat, not wanting anyone to know his feelings and tease him about it, avoiding as many girls as he can, mostly the ones who knows him well. No one would understand... only Selphie...but she left him, alone. He thought she cared about him. He thought she liked him. He should never have gone out with other females while Selphie was away. Now she knew his secret. Did she mean it? Or is she only testing him? He hoped she was just kidding, fooling around. Maybe she'll come back to him tonight, teasing and laughing at him like nothing happened and hug him tightly, planting kisses all over his face and neck. She  
could do that sometimes. He sighed, the corners of his lips rose a little. What a wonderful thought... but what if she really meant what she said and went for someone else. Lots of guys like her, for she was always the happy go lucky type that many males desired. He was lucky, but now?  
  
He wanted, anxiously, for her that night. His heart ached for her, desperate. Will she come? Will he ever feel her soft, small body coiled up against him, warm? He was so worried, it felt like he was about to throw up. His head was hurting, throbbing against his skull. It was cold tonight, Irvine shivered. Quickly he undressed, throwing his coat and hat over a chair near the door; he lied down in his bed and slipped under the cold covers. The pain within his heart can no longer hold. This must be a nightmare... it cannot be true! NO! Where was Selphie, `his' sweet Selphie? He knew he couldn't go on like this, without her. He knew his coolness is fading rapidly, dissolving like his hope for her arrival. Soon fatigue takes over him. He sleeps on...  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Seifer walked around the headmaster's office, restless. Where is that old fart? Heck! Why am I wandering around in Cid's office in the middle of the night anyway?  
  
Fujin and Rajin sat silently on a red leather couch, staring at their boss walking aimlessly. They were worn out traveling from Balamb to the Garden, which is on the other side of the world, on the Esthar continent. They were hungry, tired, and eager to leave and rest. Fujin rested her head on Rajin's shoulder and feel asleep. Raijin looked at her and eased a bit, slumping against the soft leather. Almost immediately he also dozed off as well. Seifer is getting impatient, seeing Fujin and Rajin peacefully asleep, he silently went from the room. Where is that Cid? I must talk to him. That woman lied, saying he would come soon. Did she even know who he was? He was the powerful Knight of the Sorceress; well to tell the truth, the `former' Knight. But still... he must be treated with respect. He resolved to find Cid, wherever he is. He'll sniff that stinking old Loser out, no matter where he is. Stupid man. Why did Edea marry him? She must've gone mad to marry an ugly, coward  
like that. Ha, he would have done better.  
  
Seifer walked around his former home, contently back. He felt good. That Cid isn't here. Oh, well. He walked into the dormitory, searching for his old room, expecting it to be empty because he `was' the head of the Disciplinary Committee of Balamb Garden. The dorm smelt familiar... ah how he'd missed it. How long had he being away? A long time, for sure. When did he leave? Oh! The Timber mission, that's it. Why wasn't he asked? He still felt angry at that small incident a year ago. Why did he go after Squall to Timber? He couldn't remember. Perhaps it was because of Rinoa. He still liked her, but the flame of desire in him for her had long dissolved. She was always great to be around. She was the type who can make anyone happy, even Squall! Seifer himself tried to bring his lifelong rival out of his shell of coldness by teasing and challenging him, but to no avail. Why? Is it because he can't make people like him? Is it because he lacks compassion and the ability to love? Or  
was it just `fate'? If there is such a thing as `Fate'  
  
Seifer walked around a corner and along a silent corridor. He loved peace now. There is no more need to fight. Damn! Sorceress Ultimecia is dead...Killed by his enemies and friends. He should have helped them. He can never redeem himself again. Never. Unless... he confess to Squall his feelings...his true feelings. He never meant to become controlled by Ultimecia. He was a fool. A blind idiot who did not listen to his heart, but obeyed to his dream. He didn't want to be manipulated and `used'. Ugh! That word! USED! He hated it with a passion. He betrayed his friends, his family, his honor and himself. Oh, forgive me Fujin, Rajin, everyone!  
  
He felt like crying. His knees buckled under him as he fell to the ground with a thump. He should have died long ago. He was ashamed of himself. He felt guilty just living! Why did Fujin and Rajin come back to him? Why didn't Squall and his friends finish him off when they had the chance? He must apologize. Now or never!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Seifer ran towards a room he knew well... his own room. If it's still empty. He did not think anyone would want to use it after what he did... oh, what shame. His head starts to throb.  
  
`Where is that room of mine?' Seifer cried in his tormented mind, `Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where?' It echoed in his head.  
  
He saw the door... `his' door. Beyond is a room... `his' room.  
  
His heart throbbed and strained against his chest. How much he wanted to be back...where he belonged. No not `belonged'. He doesn't belong here. He belongs in Hell! HELL!  
  
He reached it, his fingers out stretched, tensing, and reaching out the doorknob. So close. It felt like eternity.  
  
His fingers touched it. The cold of the metal running up his arm. Shivering, he turned it and stumbled inside, knocking over a chair with a coat and hat over it.  
  
`Ack! Holy s**t! What is this?' He roared, staring around the dark room.  
  
Seifer flicked on the light switch, still swearing under his breath. Suddenly the room was flooded with a healthy bright light.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Irvine was sleeping soundly in the darkness. Snoring slightly. He was dreaming of Selphie. Who else who he dream of? He was kneeling in front of her, proposing. She was smiling and giggling occasionally. Like the old Selphie he knew well. He couldn't even here what he was saying. Then she looked surprised by something he said and scowled and pulled her hand out of his. Her face was red with anger... no, embarrassment... no, she was never embarrassed around him...he couldn't tell. She drew back her hand and in the blink of and eye, she slapped him. Ow! It was like being struck by a thousand lightning bolts at once, not that he has ever experienced that before, but he felt certain it'd hurt just as much. Then he heard a bang, a crash and someone swearing loudly and a sudden burst of light in his eyes. He couldn't see. Was she trying to kill him? No, not possible, she could never do that to him. Everything starts to fade...  
  
Irvine's eyelids flickered open. He immediately closed it again, drawing the covers of his blankets over his head, groaning and turning over, away from the light.  
  
He didn't care if the light was turned on. It probably just a friend or the cleaning lady, or even Quistis. She often checked on him during the night, mostly because she needs him for duty. He just wanted to sleep. Then he heard heavy boots walking towards him, unfamiliar. He felt a shadow fall over him, silent and long. This can't be Quisty. No way. He suddenly felt afraid, a dread rose from his stomach and chocked in his throat.  
  
` Well, well, well... Look what we have here, sleeping like that in my very own BED! If it's not Puberty boy, I don't know who!' It sounded familiar... Seifer!  
  
Irvine grunted and said half-heartedly, `Well, well, well, if this man behind me is not Mr. Lap-dog himself, I would feel rather surprised.'  
  
Seifer felt a sudden surge of rage overtake him. Squall never says these things. Why was he so easily angered? He pulled back the covers, revealing a rather naked Irvine.  
  
`What the hell! Irvine?' Seifer was surprised.  
  
Seifer was disarmed immediately when he saw Irvine sitting there, vulnerably looking up at him. His heart melted at the sight.  
  
"Irvine... I - Oomph!"  
  
Irvine was so intended on getting his blankets back, he did not see Seifer's expression.  
  
He jumped forward, knocking the taller man to the ground. Seifer dropped the sheets when he was hit straight in the chest form Irvine's fists, his fingers loosened form the pain and the sudden lack of air as it burst from his lungs. His head met with the hard metal of the table corner. Crack!  
  
Snatching the chance, Irvine grabbed the sheets and draped it hurriedly around his middle.  
  
Seifer was momentarily knocked out. The blow was unexpected as well as strong. He didn't understand why Irvine would do that to him. What did he do? Plus the table sent a wave of flames through his head.  
  
When he opened his eyes, painfully, he saw Irvine rushing over the knocked over chair, grabbed his clothes and hurriedly dressed, avoiding Seifer's eyes.  
  
Seifer sat up with a groan, his head begun to spin again and his vision blurred. He hated it when he get knocked over. He was the strongest, mightiest and most powerful...wasn't he? He'd never let anyone go by without punishment for insulting him like this. How dare Irvine make such a fool of him? This is unforgivable. Seifer tried to clear his head of the dizziness; he lacked sleep and he knows that this could be one of the reasons. He wished he was dead. He knew Irvine never liked him, but... Irvine's Irvine. Was he such a failure? A sob chocked in his tight throat. His shoulder sagged and he cried for the first time in front of other people. He just can't force it down anymore. No one understood him. No one cared for him...  
  
Chapter5  
  
" Er...Ack! (groan, groan, moan...)" Seifer was sitting up, clutching his head and groaning a lot.  
  
Irvine was slightly embarrassed by what happened, why did Seifer do what he did? Irvine was mad for a second, totally insane. It was very thoughtless of Seifer to just bang into his room, disturb and upset Irvine's delicious dream and then force him out of bed by pulling away the covers. Irvine was a proud man, not like Seifer's ego, but more of a self-respect and dignity. He'll have to settle the score with this man. It was just not right.  
  
A louder groan came from the ground, followed by coughs and chokes.  
  
Irvine sneaked a glance at the bigger man on the ground and wished he hadn't. Seifer was looking deathly pale and tired, a look of total defeat crossed his fine features and anguish also flashed by. What was he thinking?  
  
Irvine softly stepped over to Seifer and squat down, with deep concern in his eyes.  
  
"Seifer?" He asked gently.  
  
Seifer moaned and looked up, without saying anything. Irvine could see that he had been crying, silent tears rolled down his pale cheek and rimmed his red eyes. He had never seen Seifer cry. The sight was agonizing, but the silence... Irvine's heart melted, he desperately wanted to embrace and comfort Seifer, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.  
  
"Seifer...Are you...Are you alright?" He purred.  
  
"Ehh..." Seifer closed his eyes, trying to chase the dizziness away. Oh the pain in his head!  
  
A hand landed softly on his shoulder, comforting him. His eyes snapped open, " ........."  
  
"Um...Seifer, I'm sorry. I was a little rough, I guess..." Irvine tried to ease the tension between them, " Heh heh, sorry."  
  
Irvine did not sound serious and that hurt Seifer immensely. He sobbed and hung his head.  
  
" Irvine..." Seifer whispered, hurt.  
  
" What's wrong?" Irvine realised his fatal mistake.  
  
" You don't care, do you?"  
  
"What? Of course I care. I'm sorry, Seifer. I'm just trying to help...help you."  
  
" You don't have to..." Seifer felt worse than ever, especially when someone was trying to help him.  
  
"Nonsense! Look, we can't have you crying and hurting to death on this cold tiled floor. C'mon, get into bed, Seifer." Irvine felt like a mother comforting her child who had just grazed his knee, " Stop crying now. Please?"  
  
Seifer looked up, surprised. Why did Irvine suddenly sound like Rinoa?  
  
Irvine tucked a red eyed Seifer into his own bed against half hearted protests and fumbled through his closets or `Seifer's old closets' for a sleeping bag and an extra pillow. He found one at the very bottom of the very back, unrolled it and turned the lights off. He settled gratefully into it and shut his eyes to a welcoming sleep.  
  
"Uh... good...night...Irvy...uhh...thanks..." Seifer drifted off into a deep, dark sleep.  
  
Squall was very tired after a whole night's training. Even though he knew there would be no more wars coming, not at least in his life time, hopefully, he still needed to fight. And fight as if he was facing another Ultimesia. He convinced Cid not to make him the new headmaster and them conned him into improving Garden's facilities. One of the makeovers was increasing the size of the training centre and constructing levels. There were three levels. The first level contained the easy monsters for young and new student's training. The next level was for the normal students like he was a year and a half ago. The top level consisted of really difficult enemies like the dragons on the Island Closest to Hell and chimeras, etc. from the Island Closest to Heaven. Even for a battle hardened SeeD on level 100 could find them difficult at times. He managed to defeat 7 dragons, 2 chimeras and 1 Malbrea and could hardly keep his eyes open. Dragging his tired body and mind to his room, he  
thought he saw a blonde man in a white trench coat rush around a corner. He blinked and shook his head, trying to make sense of what he saw. Was that Seifer? No, not possible, he could never have courage to come back here, after what he did to the world and all. It must've been his imaginations playing tricks on a half asleep mind. Remembering that he had promised Irvine a battle tactics session in the morning,  
  
he stammered the rest of the way to his room, threw himself on his bed and fell asleep fully dressed with not a thought more about Seifer  
  
Chapter 6   
  
Sunlight tore its way into Irvine's blessed darkness, pulling him away from his much appreciated sleep. He turned away from the light and tried to sleep again, but someone shook his shoulder hard and said his name gently.  
  
" Irvine. Wake up, Irvine. It's nine already. Irvine? I said get up!" Seifer was getting impatient, irritated by Irvine's laziness that morning.  
  
Irvine brushed Seifer's hand aside and sat up, stretching.  
  
" *Yawn*... ahhhh... hmm...slept good, you?"  
  
" Yeah, I was so tired, thanks for everything, Irvine. I despised you before, but that was a long time ago, it's changed now. Forgive me if I caused any inconvenience to you." He placed a shaky hand on Irvine's shoulder and smiled, looking into his ocean blue eyes. " You are a friend now. Take me as a friend too, please."  
  
Irvine was struck dumb by Seifer's unexpected words. He never thought Seifer would admit his feelings like that, least about been friends and acting so polite.  
  
Seifer misinterpreted Irvine's silence, "If you won't have me...then... that's alright... I understand how you fell about me. I feel ashamed by what..."  
  
"No. I believe you and I will be your friend, a companion for as long as you want. I... I don't understand why you would do this, I mean, like... you and the sorceress and..."  
  
" I know, it was a mistake... I obeyed my dream and ignored my heart's desire and... it's too hard to put into words now. Everyone hates me for what I was. But you must understand that I have changed through that past year, many times. I want to have a life of my own, a family, friends and someone who cares about me, who loves me for what I am now... but that is only another dream..."  
  
Irvine remembered Selphie. His dream, his hope, his future. A future that would never happen, a dream dashed and forgotten, hopes faded away into time and space. He realised he was very much like Seifer. On the outside they looked like cool and ambitioned young men with a great future and dreams to live, but inside they were lost, regretful and lonely, shamed by their past, dreading their future. He stared up at Seifer, gazing deep into those sad sapphire-blue eyes, inside there another story was told, unfolded in front of him. A story like his.  
  
"Irvine? What's wrong? You look..."  
  
"I... I'm fine. It's just that now I realise that we are very much...alike..."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, maybe we can help each other in the future..."  
  
The two new friends chatted the morning hours away...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Selphie was eating her breakfast when Squall strolled over and sat opposite of her at the table.  
  
She did not even look up.  
  
"Um... Selphie?"  
  
"What?" she grunted.  
  
"Have you seen Irvine lately?"  
  
"..."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing..."  
  
"Look, you have to tell me."  
  
"You won't understand..."  
  
"... Is it about Irvine?"  
  
"... ... ... Yes... ahh..." She broke down into uncontrolled sobs.  
  
Squall placed a reassuring hand on her arm and handed her a handkerchief, "Here, wipe your eyes, please don't cry... tell me what nasty things he did to you again... and I'll make him pay... understand?"  
  
She accepted the hanky and blew into it, loudly, "Really you would?"  
  
"Anything to change you back to your cheerful old self."  
  
"Oh, alright. Meet me at the Quad stage at 18:00 and don't be late... I want someone to trust... for once."  
  
She stood up, looked down at the wet hanky in her trembling hands, "And I'll wash this for you..."  
  
After Selphie had left, Squall wondered at what Irvine did. He was not a bad guy, very popular among the girls and great with guys as well. What could he have done to make his love so upset? He vowed to find out. He rose from his seat and headed in the direction of Irvine's room.  
  
Ok! So what did you think? Review okay? Do you think this should be re-rated NC-17, because I am think of adding...er...um... you know so... 


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